


My Beth

by FancyFree2813



Series: Layers (originally named The Goofy Mountie Series [21]
Category: due South
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:26:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27271888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FancyFree2813/pseuds/FancyFree2813
Summary: Renfield and Kerri go on a much belated honeymoon - to Idaho! And come home with much more than they bargained for.
Relationships: Renfield Turnbull/Kerri
Series: Layers (originally named The Goofy Mountie Series [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954873
Kudos: 2





	My Beth

Renfield stood at the kitchen window of his second floor apartment looking out at the pale late summer evening sky. He marveled at how quickly the time seemed to be passing, soon it would be time for the neighborhood children to begin thinking about returning to school. Soon the leaves on the trees would begin their leisurely transition from deep green to gold to orange and then to brown. And all too soon the dead leaves would float to the ground on the brisk autumn wind to meet a violent end, trampled underfoot or smashed under a tire on the street in front of his bookshop.

The coming of fall always made him feel rather melancholy, as if it were the ending of something not quite tangible, yet something he would long for after it was gone. Oh, he loved the autumn weather, the cool days and even cooler evenings. And the color changes throughout nature always inspired awe. But he always felt an odd feeling of disquiet at this time of year. 

His mother had passed away in October so he assumed that was the reason for his pensive mood. He missed his mum daily but never more than when the anniversary of her death drew near.

The children playing on the baseball diamond across the alley drew his attention. Their riotous laughter and shouting always made him smile. All through his adult life he had identified with children, more so than adults, actually. Some people assumed he was dimwitted, but the children that always seemed to surround him made him feel like he had something important to say, that he was important. That was probably why he decided to become a teacher.

Since he purchased the bookshop Renfield had given up his part time job teaching at St Mary’s School, there was just no time. He spent his weekdays at the Canadian Consulate and his Saturday mornings in his reading room, his own personal domain, reading to the children. He missed his days at the school and missed teaching, but he was happy here with his wife and the neighborhood children.

In the deepest recesses of his mind however, he desperately missed having a child of his own. He was, and always would be, desperately lonely for the precious daughter he had lost, but he was also fortunate he knew, to have been blessed with Meghan’s presence for the very short time they had together. And even though he had not been given the opportunity to ever know his unborn child, he longed for that child too.

He smiled as he watched Timmy Stevens hit the ball. It hadn’t been all that long ago that the boy could barely hold the bat. Ray had heard some of the older boys teasing Timmy, so they had spent extra time with the little guy, teaching him some of the fundamentals and also instilling self-confidence. No one teased Timmy any longer.

Renfield sighed as he turned away from the window. He mentally reprimanded himself for languishing in the past when he had so much of the future to look forward to. He had a marvelous career with the RCMP, a wonderful life with a woman whom he loved more than life itself, a fairly successful business in Great Expectations and the best friends any man could ask for. There wasn’t anything else that he needed or wanted, there really wasn’t.

He sighed again as he made his way toward their bedroom. He needed to change out of his uniform and go down to give Kerri a hand in the shop. Something about the impending cooler weather always brought out the bookworm in people. It was the thought of curling up in front of the fire on a cold autumn evening with a good mystery or romance novel, he guessed. Anyway, it had been busy in the shop for the last several days and what with Lance being on a short holiday, Kerri needed all the help she could get. Even with Paige’s assistance for a couple of hours a day, Kerri was working far too hard again. Renfield chuckled to himself, what else was new?  
____________________________________

Renfield changed into a forest green short sleeved sport shirt and tan slacks and rushed down the stairs. Before he turned to the customers in the shop he made sure his bout with melancholy did not reflect in his eyes. Kerri could read him better than most people could read the books in this shop and it wouldn’t do for her to know he was dwelling on the past. She worried enough about him and about her inability to have children. He’d rather die than give her yet another reason to be troubled.

“Good evening, Mrs. McDonald,” Renfield smiled and greeted the elderly woman as he made his way toward the front of the shop. “Are you finding everything you’re looking for?”

Mrs. McDonald smiled in return. She had always liked Mr. Turnbull, he was such a pleasant young man, so gracious and upstanding, even if he was from a foreign country. “Oh, yes. Your lovely wife has helped me find just the right book.” She wasn’t about to tell him that she was purchasing a romance novel. She could never tell a man that!

Renfield greeted a handful of other customers as he continued toward the cash register where Kerri was ringing up a sale. He smiled at the unknown young woman as Kerri handed her a shopping bag with her purchases.

“Thank you, Michelle. That book on whale watching should give you lots of great tips. Please come and see us again,” Kerri called as the young woman opened the door to leave. Once the door was tightly closed behind her newest customer Kerri grinned at Renfield. “I think you have a fan,” she whispered. “She thinks, and I quote ‘your husband is just soooo cute’.”

Once he had blushed a very satisfactory shade of red Kerri leaned against him and moaned. “Man, do I miss Lance! My feet are killing me!”

“Why don’t you go upstairs and sit down for a bit? There aren’t that many customers and I can certainly handle it until we close, it’s only 45 minutes.”

Kerri looked around the shop and sighed. “Are you sure? You’ve worked just as hard as I have today.”

“Yes,” he said as he pulled her out from behind the counter, “but I’ve been sitting most of the day, pushing papers. Go relax and after I close up we’ll fix dinner.”

Kerri couldn’t think of anything more inviting at the moment than to get off her feet, so she agreed. “Remember,” she whispered as she prepared to go upstairs, “don’t be giving anything away. There are lemon drops under the counter for the kids, but I don’t think there’ll be many in here at this hour. Your ball field is much more inviting on a warm summer evening than my bookshop.”

“Just wait until school starts, there will be plenty of kids in here, what with book reports, essays, term papers and all the rest.”

Kerri sighed as she walked away. Baseball during the summer and the Internet the year round. Regardless of what Renfield thought, their bookshop wasn’t much competition for either one of them.

Renfield watched as she turned the corner and listened as Kerri trudged up the stairs. She looks tired, he thought. But he also knew that it was the kind of tired she loved. She never looked happier than when she was working in their bookshop.

Most of the customers that lingered until near closing time were what Kerri referred to as ‘readers’. That is, people who came into the shop to read but not to buy. They drove Lance nuts, but Kerri didn’t mind. She believed that sooner or later each and every one of them would buy something, and she was usually right. Even if it was just a croissant or scone from the tearoom. If she had an inordinately large number of ‘readers’ at any given time Kerri would put on a pot of exotic, aromatic coffee or boil spiced water on the burner in the tearoom kitchen. That always prompted customers to open their wallets. 

Tonight though, there were only a couple of people left in the shop and it didn’t look like there would be any more. Renfield had just decided that he had rung up the last sale of the day when the little bell over the front door tinkled announcing the arrival of yet another customer.

Renfield was bent over, stashing the last of the cash and checks in their little under counter safe, when he heard someone call his name. Startled, he stood up only to bash his head on the underside of the open cash register drawer.

Sweet feminine laughter greeted him when he was finally able to face her. 

“Hello, Renfield,” Susan winced. “Still able to injure yourself I see.”

“Susan! Oh my, it’s good to see you! It’s been so long…” Renfield suddenly remembered one of the last times he’d seen her. He had thought, briefly, that he was in love with her and had almost destroyed his relationship with the most important woman in the world. “I mean…that is…um…”

Susan laughed again. Still the same sweet, dear, amazing Mister Mountie. “It’s okay Renfield. I remember that time too. But things have gotten a lot better for Doug and me. That’s part of the reason I’m here. I hoped I’d see you to share my good news and to get a thank you gift for Mrs. Atkins. She threw me a baby shower.” Susan beamed at him.

“A baby shower?” Renfield asked, thoroughly confused.

“Yes!” Susan stepped back from the tall counter and revealed her huge girth.

Renfield almost jumped up and down with excitement. Running around the counter, he gave her the biggest, most unrestrained hug he was capable of giving. “Oh, Susan! This is just marvel…wonder…the most magnifi…”

Susan laughed again as Renfield stared at her huge belly. “Thank you, Renfield. Right now though I feel more like a pack mule than a mother expecting twins!”

“Twins?” Renfield whispered, awestruck.

“Yep, identical. Two for the price of one. But,” she frowned as she rubbed her back and stretched in a vain attempt to ease her discomfort, “right now the price seems pretty high.”

“I was a twin,” he whispered. “I had an identical twin brother.”

“Really? I wasn't aware of that. Does he still –”

“–he, uh, died.”

“Oh, Renfield I’m so sorry, that’s just terrible. I’ve heard it said that the bond between – oh!”

Renfield paled noticeably. “Susan! Are you all right? Is there anything I –”

“It’s okay! Really! They’re just kicking up a storm. I’m sure that one of them will be a cheerleader and the other one is definitely going to be a ballerina.”

“Girl's then?” he whispered, unable to take his eyes off her belly.

“Yes.” She took his hand and moved it toward her. “Would you like to feel them? I don’t mind.”

Renfield looked shy, embarrassed, awestruck and hopeful all at the same time. With huge eyes he looked at Susan. “Could I really? I mean it’s rather…”

Susan smiled at the totally endearing man and put his hand right where the ballerina had last done a pirouette. She watched his face as his eyes grew larger and larger with the wonder of it all.

Renfield giggled self-consciously. “Oh my!” he gasped as he felt the first kick.

“That’s Leah, I think. And this,” she moved his hand to the other side and up just slightly, “is Rachel.”

Renfield gaped at his hand as he felt yet another life inside Susan. “From the Bible,” he whispered. He looked up into the lovely face that reminded him so very much of Melanie. He couldn’t help but smile into her beautiful blue eyes, made all the more beautiful by the miraculous burden she bore within her body. “Sisters from the book of Genesis. I love Biblical names.”  
____________________________________

Ray Kowalski parked in his favorite ‘no parking’ spot in the alley behind the bookshop. Waving at the kids playing baseball he made his way inside. He planned on saying ‘hey’ to Turnbull and Kerri prior to having dinner with Paige.

He’d only made it a few feet inside the back door when he froze in his tracks. From where he screeched to a halt he could see Kerri standing at the base of the stairs. Over her shoulder, at the front of the shop, he could see Turnbull and Susan West.

Ray knew immediately that something was wrong, but he couldn’t force himself to speak. He watched Kerri as Kerri watched Turnbull. He watched her back as she stood, ridged, watching Turnbull with his hand on Susan’s huge belly. He watched as Kerri wheeled around and ran up the stairs toward the second floor apartment, so blinded by emotion that she didn’t even notice Ray standing behind her.

Ray stood immobile for several seconds, unsure whether he should move, let alone what he should do when he did move. He’d promised himself, and sort of promised Paige, that now that he had his own love interest he’d butt out of Turnbull and Kerri’s lives. They were grownups for God’s sake, they could take care of themselves. But Kerri was hurting and Ray knew, as sure as he stood there he knew she would never tell Turnbull what she’d seen.

Aw, shit! he thought as he ran up the stairs after the woman who had once owned his heart.

The apartment wasn’t large so it only took him a minute to find her: she’d locked herself in the bathroom.

“Kerri, come outta there. We need ta talk,” he yelled through the door.

Several moments passed before she responded. When she finally did respond her voice was muffled, but he recognized the tone instantly. “Now’s not a good time, Ray. Please go away.” The words were polite enough, but the sentiment was not. She may have said please but she meant ‘get the hell out of here and stop meddling’.

He didn’t miss a beat. Once Ray Kowalski decided to do something, nothing was going to stop him. It was a lesson he’d learned from another Canadian, the one who was the most single-minded man he’d ever known. “Nope! No way. I saw what happened down there. Yer comin’ out or I'm comin’ in.”

He gave her about four heartbeats before he started jiggling the doorknob. “Ya know I can get in there in about two shakes. Ya saw me do it when Mere locked herself in. Ya wanna force me ta get a screwdriver, or ya gonna open up?” he yelled. Kerri and Mere’s circumstances may have been the same, but the reasons were decidedly different. Mere had been trapped and screaming to get out but Kerri was screaming, well maybe not screaming, not yet anyway, to stay in.

He almost turned to head for the kitchen; he was about a split second from doing just that, when the knob slowly turned and Kerri poked her head out.

“Ray, please,” she pleaded, “please let this alone. I can handle it.”

Ray’s heart broke for her. She hadn’t been crying but looked as if she were about ready to break down. He’d seen that look far too many times. “And just how ya gonna handle it?”

She hesitated, trying to compose herself. “I'm –”

“–yer not gonna say anything, right?” He knew her too well. He could tell by the look on her face that he was right. 

“It's my problem, Ray!” She demanded.

“No it’s not! It’s his too! Ya gonna tell him?”

“No!” she shouted. “He’s been through enough! If he knows I saw…that I saw him he’ll just be hurt. He’d be worried about me. He’d never do –”

“Dammit, Kerri, if you don’t tell him I’m gonna. You two are always tryin’ ta –”

“No you won’t!” Ray jumped at the vehemence of her response. “If you so much as breathe a word to Renny I will NEVER speak to you again.”

Ray knew she meant what she said and was completely capable of making good on her threat, but he’d had enough. “Oh no ya don’t! Yer not gonna do that ta me again! Ya’ve put me in the middle one too many times. I’m yer friend ‘n I'm not gonna stand by watch one of ya sacrifice yerself for the other one again! This is gettin’ real old, Kerri.”

They faced off against each other, each one knowing that the other was not going to back down. They stood that way for several moments, the bathroom door separating their bodies, but not their eyes, until Ray could not stand it anymore.

“So,” he breathed, “ya gonna tell Turnbull, or am I –”

Renfield entered the short hallway that separated the bedrooms and bathroom from the living room, the voices he could hear coming from that direction arousing his curiosity. “Tell me what?” he grinned at them both.  
____________________________________

Renfield’s goofy grin began to slowly slip away as he waited for a response from either Kerri or Ray. He didn’t at all care for the looks that were passing between his wife and his best friend. Angry, warning looks that made him uncomfortable, at best.

“Kerri? Ray? Tell me what?” he whispered, his unease rapidly giving way to fear. “Will one of you please tell me what’s going on?”

Ray glared at Kerri. “Well, ya gonna tell him?”

“Ray, please, don’t –”

“Kerri, you’re both beginning to scare me! What’s wrong?” Turnbull demanded.

Kerri continued to stare at Ray until she knew she had no choice but to tell Renfield what had happened. “Ray, I’d like to be alone with Renfield. Please,” she begged.

“Only if you’ll promise me yer gonna tell him the whole truth,” he whispered.

Kerri stared at the floor for several long moments and then finally opened the bathroom door all the way. She looked Ray straight in the eye and promised. “All right.”

Ray turned to leave, only to see the stricken look on Turnbull’s face. “It’s not as bad as all that, Buddy. It’s really not.”

Kerri followed Ray into the living room, Renfield close on her heels. Once she had made sure that Ray was out of earshot, Kerri turned to her husband.

“It’s nothing really. I just didn’t want you to be upset,” she sighed. “I just know how…how much you would like…that is, how disappointed you are about…” God, she just could not seem to get the words out. “You’ve been hurt enough. I didn’t want you to know –”

“Know what?” His fear gave way to sheer terror. All manner of horrible scenarios flashed through his mind. She was ill, she was dying, she was leaving him…

“I went back downstairs to ask you what you wanted for dinner and…and I saw you with Susan and I got upset,” she finally blurted out.

“What?” he whispered, too stunned for a more eloquent response.

“I know how disappointed you are that I –”

“Kerri, stop it,” he said, his voice still not above a whisper.

Unsure what he meant, she continued to try to apologize. “I didn’t want you to know –”

“Stop it!” he demanded.

“I'm sorry,” she thought she was about to cry. 

“Damn it! Stop!” he yelled. So shocked that she could not speak, Kerri stood in front of him with her mouth hanging open. “Why can’t you just admit that you’re hurting because you can’t have a child? Why must you always hide from your feelings by trying to protect me?”

Still dumbstruck Kerri just stared at him.

Finally he grabbed her hand and pulled her with him and onto the sofa. Once settled there, he took both of her hands in his and stared into her eyes. “Kerri, ever since you lost our child you have only considered how I would feel. You’ve never given yourself a chance to know your own heart. Sure I love kids, and I’m disappointed and sad that I will never have the opportunity to have another one, but you’ve got to stop hiding behind your concern for me!” He squeezed her hands for reassurance. “I’m sorry you saw that little scene between Susan and me. But I’m trying to get on with things. I’ve faced our future, but I don't think you have –”

“–yes I have too! I don’t care so much for me, it’s you that’s –”

Renfield jumped up, anger flashing in his eyes. “Do not use me as an excuse! You’ve run away from things your entire life. You work harder than anyone I’ve ever known and use the work to hide in. You still haven’t faced your problem with your dad –” As soon as the words were out of his mouth he regretted them. He wanted to kick himself when he saw the devastated look in her eyes. “God, Honey, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean –”

“I think I need some air,” she muttered. “I’m going for a walk.” She stood up slowly and headed for the stairs.

“God, please don’t go when you’re upset! Wait for me and I’ll go too?” he begged.

She turned to him and smiled weakly. “I’d really rather be alone. I need some time to think. I won’t be gone long, I promise…”

With that she headed down the stairs.  
____________________________________

Ordinarily Kerri loved walking along the lake. Usually, of course, Renny was with her and they’d stroll hand in hand like the lovers that they were, laughing at the antics of the gulls or dodging out of the path of roller-blade or skateboarders. But now, in the late evening, most of the sports enthusiasts were long gone and the lovers had gone home in search of private endeavors. There were still a few joggers left, but Kerri was virtually alone with the gulls, and with her thoughts.

She made her way to their favorite secluded bench, where, unobserved, she and Renny had spent many evenings watching the gathering darkness over the lake and/or in the pursuit of happiness in each other's arms. Now she was alone, with only her thoughts for company.

She’d been rather angry with Renny when she’d left the bookshop. It hadn’t been fair of him to bring up her father. She’d only told him about the estrangement because he kept at her with questions about her family. She had told him she didn’t want to discuss it and he’d honored her wishes, until this evening.

She sighed as she thought about all that Renny had said. She’d been so concerned for his feelings after the loss of their child that she had never given much thought to her own. Was that so wrong? Was she really hiding from herself as Renny had said?

Her first response was an emphatic NO. But as she thought more deeply, and tried to be as objective as possible, she wasn’t so sure.

Kerri was lost so deeply in her thoughts that she failed to see the man who approached the bench where she sat. Smiling at the picture of yet another beautiful woman sitting on his bench, Ray Vecchio stopped and stared for just a moment. It was just dark enough for his eyes to take just a little time to be able to see her features clearly. When he did he frowned.

“I thought I was the only person in the world who knew about this place,” he said as he sat next to her. “Come here often, pretty lady?” he joked.

Kerri looked over at him and he watched as the frown lines on her forehead cleared and her eyes regained the sparkle he knew so well. “Actually, I usually come here with a good looking man,” she smiled.

“So what’s changed?” he asked as he pointed first to her, “good looking lady,” and then to himself, “and good looking guy, right?”

Kerri smiled at him. “Well, not exactly the good looking guy I had in mind. But close enough.”

Ray stared out at the lake, lost for a moment in the significance of this place. Kerri was one of only a handful of people that knew about Sheila. “This is the spot where Sheila came to see me, where I first learned she wasn’t dead,” he sighed.

“I wonder how many others have come to this bench in times of happiness, or sorrow, or just to contemplate life?”

“I’d kinda like to think just you and me,” he admitted. “You and Turnbull have a fight?”

Kerri looked at him with shocked eyes. “That obvious?”

“Mm, probably only to people who know you.”

“It wasn’t really a fight, exactly. Renny just told me some things I didn’t want to hear. Some things I’m beginning to realize are probably true,” she admitted.

Ray smiled at her. “You know why there’s so many of us watching out for you guys?”

“Good taste?”

Ray laughed. He was heartened that she was able to joke when she was so obviously deeply troubled about something. “You, yeah. Turnbull I’m not so sure about! Nah, it’s cause you give us hope.”

“Hope?”

“Sure. Every one of us, me, Frannie, Kowalski, Paige, Fraser, all of us have failed in the relationship department. It’s important to us that someone make it work. You guys come the closest.” He patted her knee like a doting father, “so my advice to you is to go home and figure whatever it is out.”

“You’re probably right, you know? I’m just not sure what to do about this mess.”

“Faith, maybe? Faith that you can get through any of the rough stuff if you stick together.”

“God, you make me feel like if we couldn’t work this out we’d be failing the whole world,” she teased.

“Exactly. How about I drive you? It’s getting pretty dark.”  
____________________________________

Renfield was watching out the front window when he saw Ray Vecchio’s latest and greatest Riviera pull up to the curb in front of the bookshop. He watched as Kerri stepped out. But he wasn’t watching as the car pulled away, he was already on his way down the stairs.

Kerri opened the door into dimly lighted bookshop and was surprised to see Renny waiting for her at the base of the stairs. He looked so contrite and so sweet she ran into his arms.

“Please, please don’t ever do that again?” he whispered into kisses to the top of her head. “I’m so sorry I said those things. I had no right to complain when all you were doing was trying to prot –”

“But you were right, Renny. And I think we need to talk.”

They sat at the small kitchen table and ate the tomato soup he had prepared while she was gone. She couldn’t help but smile at the gesture. Whenever he was worried or upset Renfield always did the only thing he knew to do, he cleaned or he cooked. Ray Kowalski liked to hit something, Ray Vecchio took long, fast drives, Benton did absolutely nothing and Renny cooked. Looking at the delicious bowl of soup sitting before her, Kerri decided that was yet another reason to love Renfield.

“Why are you smiling at your soup?” he asked hesitantly.

“I’m just thinking about how lucky I am to have you. Above all the other men in the world, I got the best.”

Renfield was completely bowled over. Of all the things he thought she might say, that was the farthest from his mind. “Sometimes I wonder,” he muttered.

“Doubt it if you must, but you really are the best," she reached over and took his hand. “I’m sorry I ran off like that.”

Renfield just looked into her eyes and smiled.

Taking another spoonful of soup Kerri stalled getting to the point. “I ran into Ray Vecchio by the lake. He –”

“–you walked all the way to the lake?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “I told you I needed some time to think. Anyway, I went to our bench. It turns out it’s not just our bench.” Renfield chuckled to himself, she was so sentimental about the darn bench! “Ray was there when he found out that Sheila was still alive. She followed him there and met with him. I think he goes there now because he misses her.”

Ordinarily a remark like that would set Renfield’s mind to matchmaking, but not this time. He was just too preoccupied with worried thoughts of Kerri. He laid his spoon in his empty bowl. “You said you wanted to talk, but I don’t think you meant about Ray.”

Kerri sighed as she too laid her spoon down, the difference being that her bowl was far from empty. “Yeah,” she said as she sighed again, “and you’re right again. I didn’t mean about Ray.” She looked into his eyes with a look Renfield had never seen before, a look that for the life of him he could not interpret. “Do you think you could get some time off?”

“Well, Inspector Thatcher’s back to work now, and even with her shoulder still on the mend and Constable Fraser watching her like a hawk, all our work is up to date. So, I don’t see a prob… Why?”

“I’d like to take a sort of vacation.”

Renfield was amazed that she would suggest such a thing, the bookshop was always her first priority. “What about the shop? Lance is just about to start classes and Paige doesn’t know enough about the operation to run it by herself yet.”

“We can afford to close for a week or so if we have to.”

Once again he was amazed. For Kerri to even suggest closing the shop for even an afternoon was totally earth shaking. “I’m sure you’re right, but –”

“–Renny, we’ve never taken a trip together, unless you count going to Las Vegas, and we never did get to have a honeymoon. I just really think we could use the time –”

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to sell me on the idea of a trip. I think it’s a wonderful idea. I’ve always wanted to go to Scotland. My ancestors…” He looked at her face and knew that’s not what she had in mind. “How about Hawaii? No? Well, I’d suggest Niagara Falls, but I didn’t really have a very good time the last time I was there. How about San Francisco? I’ve never been there. Well, that’s not exactly true, I guess," he frowned, “since I was born there. What about Banff? Late September in the Rockies is just gorgeous.” He continued to watch her eyes and began to wonder exactly what she was thinking. His suggestions certainly weren’t getting them anywhere. “Did you have someplace specific in mind?”

She bit her lower lip and frowned. “Well, somewhere a little south of Banff, actually.”

This was also getting them exactly nowhere. “Kerri, where do you want to go for our vacation?”

She sighed deeply. “Idaho.”  
____________________________________

“Idaho? As in the State of? Potatoes, sugar beets and sage brush Idaho?” Renfield had never actually been to Idaho and really didn’t care to go there now. But Kerri was very serious and he knew she had her reasons. He only hoped she would share them with him.

She didn’t meet his eyes as she began to explain. “What you’re describing is southern Idaho and it’s really kind of pretty. But the northern part of the state, the panhandle, is really very beautiful. Rather like eastern BC. The mountains aren’t as majestic, but there are magnificent forests, lots of rivers, huge lakes, world class skiing and several tourist attractions.” She stood and took their bowls to the sink. She didn’t turn to face him as she finished her explanation, “it’s also where my father lives.”

Renfield smiled deeply as he came up behind her. Threading his arms around her waist he pulled back against him. He’d been so worried that his earlier words to her would hang between them for a very long time. That she would neither acknowledge nor deny the truth of what he’d said. But now he knew she was trying to face the truth, in the only way Kerri knew how – head long and in the eye.

“You want to visit your father?” he whispered.

“You were right, Renny. I’ve been running away from him, from the situation between us, for a really long time,” she sighed and slumped against him. “It’s time I started facing things and I need to start somewhere. It’s time I tried to settle our differences. Maybe after all this time he’s forgiven me.”

Kerri turned in his arms and leaned her head heavily against his chest. They stood that way for a very long time, until Kerri began to smile. Finally she giggled lightly. “You’re not going to ask, are you?”

“You’ll tell me when you’re ready.”

“Ah, but you’re dying of curiosity, right?" She pulled back and looked him in the eye. “I thought so!”

Renfield was and always had been the master of the clueless look. His only problem these days was that most everyone knew and would no longer let him get away with it. They all knew him for what he was, and it was anything but clueless. The look in his eyes at the moment didn’t fool Kerri for a minute.

“Whatever do you mean?”

Kerri began to laugh. “You sound so very British when you talk like that!” She stopped laughing and sighed. “I guess if we’re going to go to Naples you really should know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“Naples? I thought you said Idaho? Naples is in Italy.”

“It’s also a very small town in northern Idaho. Ever heard of Ruby Ridge?”

“Oh yes. The standoff between the FBI, ATF and…I don’t remember the guy’s name. Much like Waco, only not so many people died.”

“His name is Randy Weaver. Ruby Ridge is just outside Naples, and very close to where my father and several of my relatives live. If you can call it living,” she muttered under her breath. “At least that’s where they were the last time I spoke with him. That was more than ten years ago. God, it’s actually closer to fifteen now that I think about it.”

“I thought your father lived in Edmonton.”

“Maybe we should go sit down, it’s kind of a long story.”

Renfield followed her into the living room wondering vaguely if everyone had a ‘long story’ involving family or if it was just a Turnbull/Howard trait.

“Okay,” she said as they settled on the sofa, “let me see if I can make this as coherent as possible.” She took a deep breath and Renfield saw the strangest look pass through her eyes, yet another look he had never seen before and could not decipher. “I’ve never told anyone about all of this, but you know, that seems rather silly now. I alluded to it with Benton once, but I certainly didn’t give him all the gory details.

“After my mother died we moved from the Granum ranch to Edmonton. My grandparents had left the house to my mum. I don’t remember the ranch, I was very young when we left. Looking back on it now I guess my dad took my mother’s death very hard. Someone who knew them both once told me that he started getting weird shortly after she died. I didn’t really notice it though, I just thought everyone’s dad was terribly strict and possessive.

“Just before I was to enter college my uncle, my father’s brother, moved his wife and young daughter to the States. I didn’t know where they went and I really didn’t care. I loathed my uncle. He used to leer at me and whisper things to my father. Nasty little remarks about my figure or how I was trying to entice men, looking the way I do. He used to make me feel…I don’t know…unclean.”

“That’s probably why you dislike men staring at you.”

“That’s probably true, although I’ve never really thought about it that way.” She took another deep breath and continued. “I didn’t know it at the time but my uncle had found a group, fundamentalist Christians they called themselves, in northern Idaho. He took his family and joined what I guess by today’s standards would be called a cult.”

“I didn’t leave home while I attended University,” she continued, “my father wouldn’t allow it. I suppose if I’d known better then I would have seen it coming. He got more and more possessive, and more and more demanding. Just as I was beginning to experience intellectual freedom he was placing more and more restrictions on my actions. He wouldn’t allow me to attend classes unless he had studied the catalogs and was given a copy of the reading list. I loved books so much and so many of them were abhorrent to him. He’s going to have a coronary when he learns I run a book shop,” she muttered to herself.

“In my third year I fell in love,” she said slowly, looking for any signs that she might be hurting Renfield. She had never discussed any past love life with him and wondered if he thought he might be the first true love of her life. “He was my anthropology professor. I’d signed up for the class without my father’s knowledge. He’d have rather killed me than allow me to study anything like that. But you know about the huge anthropological dig and the dinosaur badlands area around Red Deer. Studying anthropology was just so compelling to me. Anyway,” she sighed, “I had a rather torrid affair with Brian.

“It wasn’t until we’d been involved for quite some time that I learned that he was married.” And now for the kicker, the reason that she had never told Renny about Brian and the reason that she thought he might just get up and leave the room. “He was married and he had a baby.”

She watched Renfield closely, waiting for she knew not what. An explosion, revulsion, recrimination, any adverse judgement on his part. But all she saw was a slight clenching of his jaw and love in his eyes.

“He hurt you very badly, didn’t he?” Renny whispered.

“Yes,” she said, tears forming in her eyes. But they were not tears of pain, they were tears of love for the man who held her hand and did not judge her. “But not immediately. You see he promised me he’d leave her and I believed him. God help me, I would have let him leave his family just to be with me.”

She looked at him again, still halfway expecting him to pass judgement on what she’d done. She was so ashamed of what had happened so many years ago she almost wished he’d yell at her.

Renfield frowned as she continued to stare at him. He was suddenly able to read the look in her eyes. He moved to sit on the coffee table and rested his hands on her knees. “You think that I would ever condemn something you did? All those years ago? After all that you’ve forgiven, put up with and accepted about me? Don’t be silly.”

Kerri couldn’t help but smile. Somehow it did seem silly. Not what she’d done, but that she’d thought he’d condemn her for having done it.

“Why don’t you go on with what you were saying?”

“About the same time I graduated I realized he didn’t want me, all he wanted was a physical relationship…no, damn it, what he wanted was sex with a great body! Those were his exact words. His wife had lost interest so he set out to prove his virility with me. All I was was a good lay.”

“Kerri, honey, you know you’re so much more than that…”

She smiled at the man who she’d finally found at the end of her rainbow. “I know that now, but I sure didn’t know it then. After he dumped me I didn’t know where to turn, so I went to my dad,” she sighed, thinking of Renny’s father. Richard would have understood and been supportive. Totally unlike what her father had been. “He disowned me.”

“Oh, God,” Renfield muttered.

“It was shortly after that that Father walked away, just up and left the house and everything in it. I found out later that he went to live with my uncle.”

Renfield tried to draw her into his arms but she pulled away. “I need to finish this,” her voice was shaky but adamant. “JM Neil, the company that contracted financial services with the RCMP recruited me right out of college. After Brian and my father both pushed me out of their lives I just started traveling, running, trying to out run my past. Away from them and, after far too many years, right into your arms.” She swallowed hard to stem the flow of tears. “I’ll be eternally grateful that you were there,” she whispered.

Renfield grinned broadly as he drew her to him. “Not half as grateful as I am.”  
____________________________________

The closest they could get to Naples Idaho by plane was Spokane. While he had been to Washington State quite often, he and his father had been sailing near Anacortes several times, Renfield had never seen the eastern part of the state. Having been told that it was primarily desert, he was surprised when he watched the ground coming up to meet them as they landed.

“Oh, my! It’s very green here, even for the end of summer. There are certainly a lot of trees and look at all the lakes! This isn’t anything like I expected.”

Kerri had only been to Spokane once and she remembered very little about the town. She had been running to the airport and away from what turned out to be her last encounter with her father. 

She’d thought about that last meeting with him countless times since she and Renny had decided to come here. She had made that trip because, after several years, she thought she’d try to settle their differences. It had been a disaster. 

Seeing the disgust in his eyes as if it had happened yesterday made her heart sink to her toes. Even though it happened more than ten years ago, she was sure that she would see the same loathing in his eyes this time too. But she had to try. Every fiber of her being told her that she had to at least try to settle things with him. She wanted so badly to put an end to all of it.

“Did you hear me?” Renfield asked as the tires skidded when they first touched the runway. “We’ll get the meeting with your father over and done with and then we can enjoy the resort,” Renny smiled hopefully at her.

Kerri had booked them a room at the Coeur d’Alene Resort Hotel. She’d heard about it on one of her last trips to Seattle. It was right on the lake, had boat docks, power and sailboat rentals, para-sailing, wind surfing and the list went on and on. The helpful woman who took their reservation told her that even in September the weather should be magnificent.

Shortly after Kerri made the reservation she had gone back down to the bookshop and Renfield had gotten on the phone. Calling the very same, helpful woman back, he spoke with her at length and changed their plans just slightly.

As they walked through the small airport toward the baggage carousel, Renfield contemplated his surprise and smiled to himself. Kerri deserved a proper honeymoon, one not executed by a well-intentioned Ray Kowalski, and despite her impending visit with her father and her desire to save money, Renfield was going to ensure that she got what she deserved. A huge smile crossed his face. Okay, he’d enjoy it too.

“What in the world are you smiling at?” she chuckled.

“I’m just enjoying a new experience, that’s all,” he fibbed.

Once they had collected their bags and rented a car they stepped outside. Standing on the curb their mouths dropped open and they gaped at each other.

“It’s beautiful! It’s got to be at least 85 degrees and it’s not humid! And the sky is so blue! No humidity and no smog!” A light breeze ruffled Kerri’s skirt, and she realized she had temporarily forgotten the primary reason for their trip. “I like it here,” she muttered.

The drive east through Spokane at rush hour had worried them. Chicago traffic was daunting at best and mind-numbing at worst. But as they made their way along I-90 toward the Idaho border they found that the speed limit of 60 and then 70mph was easily maintained.

“I don’t get it,” Renny commented from behind the wheel of their rented Taurus. “It’s 5:15 and there are only a hand full of cars on the road. Where’s the traffic?”

“Maybe that’s why the clerk at the rental place told us it would only take about an hour to go 45 miles. Maybe this is rush hour!”

“Wow! I could learn to like this.”

Almost immediately upon leaving the city limits they started to climb, the scattered fir trees and basalt rock outcroppings giving way to a more thickly forested terrain. When they crossed the Spokane River that divided Washington from Idaho they both commented on the picturesque surroundings.

The closer they came to the town of Coeur d’Alene the more they were surrounded by forest. Finally reaching the turn off for the hotel, Renny spotted a road sign pointing north. “Did you see that? We’re only 90 miles from BC.” He shook his head, he hadn’t realized just how close to home, his childhood home, they were. “One of these days I’m going to have to take a look at a map!”

Kerri laughed as they turned off the interstate and onto a surface road. “I’ve spent a lot of time looking at maps. I’d rather not do it anymore.”

They had driven barely a mile when Northwest Boulevard curved to the left and revealed the most gorgeous lake. “Oh, my! That must be Coeur d’Alene Lake, it’s beautiful,” Renfield exclaimed, “and big!”

The late afternoon sun shone on the water causing the small white caps to sparkle with a dazzling brilliance that reminded them of diamonds. From the car they could see a large number of sailboats, their sails fat with the stiff breeze that blew over the water. A para-sailor was just dropping into the lake behind a speedboat that was bobbing like a cork. Across the lake they could see mountains towering above the water line, appearing almost purple in the distance.

“Purple mountains’ majesty,” Renfield muttered to himself. 

Hundreds of red and white geraniums lined the edges of the park and small beach near the parking lot where they searched for a place to leave the car.

Next to the park was the resort. An imposing structure, it stood at least ten stories and was by far the tallest building in the area. Connected to the hotel by a second story skywalk was a small art gallery and shopping mall. On the lakeside of the boardwalk that led to the hotel lobby was a marina that was lined with all types of watercraft, from moored yachts, to sailboats, to powerboats and rowboats.

Kerri stopped on the boardwalk and let the breeze ruffle her hair. “This is just beautiful! It is not at all like I remembered.”  
____________________________________

Renfield was surprised. “You’ve stayed here before, then?”

“No, I was just passing through. After I met with my father I couldn’t get out of here fast enough.”

He took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t think about that now. We’ll spend a lovely evening here and then go see him tomorrow. I was thinking about having room service send dinner to us, and then we’ll just see what happens.” 

In the bright sunlight she couldn’t be positive, but she was fairly certain that Renny was blushing. She wondered just briefly what her wonderful husband was up to this time.

The lobby of the resort was exactly what Kerri expected, but Renfield was rendered temporarily speechless. Acres of brass and glass greeted them as they made their way through the revolving door. There was a gigantic stone fireplace to their right, flanked by corridors that obviously led to meeting and conference rooms. Surrounding the fireplace were large over stuffed sofas upholstered in butter soft mauve leather. 

The hardwood floors were covered with rugs embroidered in pastels in an Native American motif that was carried through to the wall hangings and curios scattered in a seemingly haphazard manner on the massive log tables. The general impression of the huge space was upscale and modern, yet still Native American.

Kerri proceeded directly to the front desk, with Renfield trailing, gaping, behind her. When she gave the clerk her name she was shocked to see the woman, the nametag she wore identifying her as Jen, smile and wink at Renfield. The nerve of the woman, Kerri thought, quickly slipping her arm possessively through his.

After the bell captain, Rebecca, was summoned and their luggage loaded on a hotel hand cart she directed them to the bank of elevators hidden in a small alcove to the far right of the front desk. 

Kerri had stayed at a few hotels even more opulent than this one, but the view from the back of the glass elevator had no equal. As they rose from the ground floor they were greeted with a panoramic view of Lake Coeur d’Alene. Only about a half a mile down the shoreline was the ‘world famous’ floating green of the golf course. The reservation clerk that had spoken first to Kerri and then to Renfield had been almost effusive about it. “If you play, you must book a tee-time well in advance,” she had told both of them. “It’s a world class course.”

Kerri couldn’t ever remember touching a golf club, except to move Renny’s to clean, but Renfield loved golf. Being of Scottish heritage ensured it. And he loved what he could see of the Coeur d’Alene Resort Golf Course.

“Look at that!” he exclaimed. “There’s a green in the lake! It’s an island! Wow, would I love to play that course! The views from every green must be spectacular.”

“Maybe for your birthday!” Kerri smiled. 

“I’m sure it would take about 5 years’ worth of birthday presents to pay for a round here,” he whispered.

Along the shore, between the golf course and the hotel was what appeared to be a city park and boat ramp. There was, from what they could see as the elevator kept rising, a traffic jam of vehicles with boat trailers trying to launch all sizes of watercraft. 

“Ah,” Renfield chuckled, “so that’s where all the traffic is!”

Kerri was surprised when the elevator opened onto the tenth floor. In her experience most economy rooms were usually on the lower floors. When the bell captain directed them to a room with double entry doors she was sure there had to be some kind of mistake.

When Rebecca swung the doors open Kerri was positive. She knew that she had gotten a special rate because of her past affiliation with the hotel’s parent company, but this was obviously a clerical error. There was no way that they could ever be given this room, correction, rooms, for the price she had been quoted.

Her economy rate room, the mistake, turned out to be a suite. The sitting room contained a wet bar, fireplace, two sofas upholstered in the same mauve leather they had seen down stairs, and a large armoire that apparently held a big screen television. At the far end of the long room were huge glass doors that opened onto a balcony.

Kerri watched, wide eyed, as the bell captain strode across the room and opened the shear curtains. Not only did the room open onto a balcony complete with sunken hot tub, but the open curtains also revealed a breathtakingly panoramic view of the mountains. She couldn't see it from where she stood, but she was sure that the breath taking view also included the lake.

She stared at the beautiful room for some time before she was finally able to shake her wonderment. She turned to the bell captain only to see Renfield hand the woman a handsome tip and the woman give him a huge grin and leave the room.

“Renny! You’ve got to get her back,” she cried as she brushed past him and made for the door. “There’s been a mistake. This isn’t what I requested –”

Renfield grabbed her hand before she could get to the doors. “–but it is what I requested.”  
____________________________________

He drew Kerri, protesting, into his arms. “But Renny, this has to cost –”

“Listen to me,” he ordered. “We had one of the worst weddings anyone could ever imagine, and the honeymoon…well, let’s just forget that. I’ve wanted to do something special for you for a very long time,” he said as he let go of her and walked toward the door that opened onto the bedroom. Coming back with a huge bottle of champagne and an even bigger bouquet of red roses he smiled sweetly.

“I’m so proud of what you’re doing, facing your father. I’m so proud that you love me. I’m just proud of you! It’s time I showed you how much.”

It was Kerri’s turn to gape. “You mean,” she could barely contain her excitement, “we get to stay here?”

Renfield chuckled. “You like it then?”

“I LOVE it!” she cried as she launched herself into his arms.

“Careful,” he breathed as soon as the air that she had knocked out of him returned to his lungs, “these roses might have thorns!”

They explored their suite of rooms before they unpacked, marveling at the beauty of both the inside and the view.

Their balcony was enclosed by a glass wall that allowed the people enjoying the hot tub to also enjoy the view. From where they stood they could see for miles, the lake, the small islands encircled by the vast amount of water and the mountains in the distance. 

So awed by the sights Renfield kept pointing at things and saying, ‘look at that’ or ‘look over there’ or ‘have you ever seen anything like that?’ until Kerri was almost dizzy. Finally, when he’d pointed out everything within sight, he started to talk about the things that they would see. “The reservations clerk promised me that we could see the moon rise right out that way. You know that we will have a full moon tonight.”

“Is all this why the clerk downstairs winked at you?”

“I was hoping you hadn’t seen that,” he joked.

“I thought she was flirting with you,” Kerri admitted.

“Really? Do you think she thought I was cute?”

Kerri turned to hug him. “Everyone thinks you’re cute,” she teased.

“I doubt Constable Fraser ever entertained that thought.”

Kerri chuckled, “okay, every woman.” She exhaled deeply as she relaxed against his chest.

Even though she had been thrilled with his surprise Renfield could tell she was still worried about the meeting with her father. They had decided that the best way to approach him was unannounced, and he was beginning to think that might not have been such a wise decision. He had to do what he could to take her mind off it. “I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we order room service and then relax tonight? We can see your father tomorrow morning and then sight see after that.”

“Hmm, relax in the hot tub?” She smiled against his chest. “This could prove to be interesting.”

Dinner arrived as if on cue, just after they had finished unpacking. The young woman who carried the huge tray looked sideways at Renfield and smiled.

“Is everything to your liking, Mr. Turnbull?”

“Thank you, yes. The preparations were just perfect,” he answered as he showed the woman out.

After closing the door, Renfield turned to see Kerri standing with her hands on her hips and scowling. “Does every employee of this hotel know what you are up to? Or is it just the women?”

“Hey, you’re the one who said women thought I was cute,” he teased. 

“Cute – and TAKEN!”

Renfield was feeling very pleased with himself and Kerri could only smile. He had done some pretty wonderful things for her in the time they’d been together, but this had to rank toward the top. No matter what her mood, he always knew exactly what she needed. Thank God.

“You’re grinning again. What is it?”

“I’m just thinking how lucky I am.”

“To have the cutest man in the world?”

“Yeah right,” she muttered. “Let’s eat.” She lifted the lids off their plates and jumped for joy. “Renny look! Huckleberries! I haven’t had huckleberries since I was a child on the ranch!” Kerri stopped dead. She’d always thought she was too young to remember the time before her mother died. Apparently that wasn’t completely true.

Renfield took the lids from her gently. “That must have been a happy time for you, that’s why you remember huckleberries so fondly.” He held her chair as Kerri took a seat at the small table on the balcony. “But no dessert until you eat all your vegetables.”  
____________________________________

It took hardly any time at all for Kerri to polish off her vegetables. Their meal of kokanee salmon, freshly caught from the lake that morning, locally grown asparagus and a huge Idaho baked potato had been too delicious to linger over. 

While Kerri couldn’t wait to taste the huckleberry shortcake, Renfield was savoring the first kokanee he’d had since moving away from BC. “This food reminds me of home, too. This is one of the first types of fish that I ever learned to prepare. My dad was, probably still is a master at all kinds of salmon. But I don’t know that even my dad could do justice to it the way this chef has!”

“Ah,” Kerri mumbled with her mouth full of purple stuff, “you’ve got to taste this. It’s to die for!”

“To die for?” Renfield chuckled. “I don't think I’ve ever heard you use that –” She shut him up with a huge fork full of berries and cream. “Oh, my!” he mumbled as purple juice dribbled on his chin. “This really is good.”

Once they had finished their desserts they lingered at the table, sipping champagne and watching the sky. They watched as the sun went behind the fluffy white clouds ringing them in florescent hues of pinks and oranges. Once the sun fell below the mountains the air cooled significantly. When he noticed her shiver Renfield ran to get Kerri a jacket.

“Isn’t it great that the nights here are so cool?” he asked as he placed the wrap across her shoulders. “It’s not so bad if the days are hot as long as the nights are comfortable.”

“Thank you,” Kerri whispered.

“For the cool nights?”

Kerri chucked softly. “No, silly. For changing our reservations, for helping me to forget about what I’m going to have to face tomorrow, but mostly for loving me.”

Renfield stood behind her chair with his hands on her shoulders, both of them staring into the growing darkness. “My pleasure,” he whispered, meaning it more than he had ever meant anything in his life.  
____________________________________

“Are you in the mood for a dip in the hot tub?” Renfield asked sheepishly.

Kerri was bent over in front of the small refrigerator in the wet bar, looking for sparkling water. She stood and looked at him as if deep in thought. “Well, let’s see. I’m in a spectacular resort suite, with a huge full moon coming up over the mountains, with, according to every woman we’ve seen in the last four hours, the cutest man in the world. I’m on my honeymoon with, according to me . . . and only me . . . the sexiest man in the universe, I’ll have to be nude as I have absolutely nothing to wear in the water, and I would be spending my time with the man I love.” She cocked her head to the side and smiled. “What was the question again?”

Renfield was halfway to the bedroom before he called over his shoulder. “Last one in is a rotten egg!”

Kerri was only about two strides behind him, giggling as she ran toward the bedroom, shedding clothes as she went. “No fair! You got a head start and you’re not wearing as many clothes as me!” She came to a screeching halt just outside the bedroom door as it dawned on her, she was going the wrong way! Why the heck did she need to take her clothes off in the bedroom when the sitting room floor would work just as well?

They had to call it a tie. Kerri had one foot in the water as Renfield streaked by her and jumped right in, splashing her, the glass doors and the balcony wall. Grabbing her leg he pulled her in on top of him. “I win!”

“No way! I got wet first!”

Pulling her onto his lap as he sat on the submerged seat and wrapping his arms around her waist Renfield decided it didn’t matter who won, as long as he could hold her this way forever.

Renfield and Kerri lingered in the hot tub until Kerri was sure she was going to be permanently pruned. Stepping into the cool night air was shocking, but the hotel had the foresight to provide huge fluffy towels just within arm’s reach.

Renfield helped her dry off before he ran back into the suite. He reemerged with two thick white terry cloth robes monogrammed with the hotel’s logo. “This isn’t mink, but it’s rather appropriate for the occasion, don’t you think?” he asked as he helped her with the robe.

Kerri crinkled her nose. “It’s better than mink.” Pulling the robe tightly around her she stretched out on the lounge chair and patted the space next to her. “Let’s cuddle.” Renfield smiled, knowing she had just made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. 

They spent most of the rest of the night there, alternating between dozing, making love and staring at the most beautiful moonlit scenery either one of them had ever seen.

The sky was just beginning to lighten over the eastern mountains when Renfield awoke. It had turned rather cold and he knew they needed to move inside. He smiled to himself as he thought of yet another reason they needed to go inside, they had yet to christen their honeymoon bed.

Kerri awoke just as he was gently laying her on the huge bed. “Renny?” she yawned. “What –”

“It was getting cold outside, the sun’s coming up,” he whispered.

“What time –”

“It’s about 5:00. I thought we’d be more comfortable, and…um…warmer inside.”

“I need to get out of this robe.” She struggled to sit up but couldn’t quite reach her goal, she was still too much asleep. And Renny was holding her down.

“I rather thought I’d like to do that that.”

She smiled drowsily and let her arms drop to her sides. “I think I’d rather like that too.”

“My God,” he breathed, “you are so beautiful.” He drew her down to him and kissed her deeply. After a few moments he began to move his kisses around her face. “I love you so much,” he whispered against her eyes. “Sometimes I think my heart will just explode from loving you.”

The awe in his voice was almost palpable. Renny often said wonderful, endearing words to her but there was a depth at this moment that she had never heard before. She was shaken to the core. 

Kerri closed her eyes and snuggled against him. World’s sexiest man indeed! she thought. How about the world’s sexiest woman?  
____________________________________

The drive from Coeur d’Alene to Naples was only about 65 miles. They passed the time quietly, Kerri too worried to carry on a coherent conversation and Renfield not really sure what to say. He remembered how he’d felt that horrible day when he had gone to see his birth mother. He hadn’t wanted anyone near him right after he confronted her. He could only imagine how Kerri must be feeling.

Just outside of Sandpoint they drove over a very long bridge that spanned a lake even larger the Coeur d’Alene – Lake Pend Oreille. Renfield recognized the name, the lake was well known in Canada, for its proximity to BC and for its fantastic fishing. The lake was very deep he knew, so deep in fact that the US Navy maintained a base there where they tested small, one man submarines. The depth of the water kept it very cold year round, which made for excellent fishing. Renfield had once heard a group of his father’s friends talking about the kokanee and Kamloops that grew to between 5 to 7 kilos or more.

“Why don’t we stop here on the way back and have a bite to eat? There are probably some really nice restaurants on the water,” he suggested, hoping that she heard him. “And if the weather holds we could rent a boat and go sailing. I haven’t been sailing in years.”

“That’s fine,” she whispered with little to no enthusiasm.

They continued the last 20 miles in total silence. Out of the corner of his eye Renfield could see her fidgeting nervously. He wanted more than anything in the world to turn the car right around and head back to the safety and comfort of their hotel room, but he knew that this had to be done. Kerri was ready to confront her father and it was his job as her husband and the man who loved her to support her in any way he could.

Renfield pulled over to the side of the highway just before reaching the sign that pointed to the turn off for Naples. He took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “You ready for this?” he asked.

Kerri took a deep breath and forced herself to smile. “We’ve come a long way to see him and I’m not going to back out now. Besides haven’t we always said that together we can face anything?”

“Okay then, which way?”

They drove through the tiny, rather disreputable looking town of Naples with its four bars, boarded up dry goods store and derelict gas station, and on passed it a short ways until the pavement ended and the road turned to dirt. It was about that time that Kerri admitted that she didn’t remember the directions as well as she thought she had.

“I’m sorry Renny, but it’s been so long. I guess I’ve forgotten the way.”

“No problem,” he said turning the car around. “We’ll just ask someone in town.”

They didn’t see anyone on the wooden sidewalk as they came back into town, but Renfield spotted a flag and headed for it. “They’ll know at the Post Office,” he explained.

The little Naples Post Office was just like the rest of the town, like stepping back in time. The lobby of the rather dilapidated wooden building that leaned precariously to the left held a long row of post office boxes, a huge dusty stack of FBI wanted posters, and a high customer counter with bars on the window. The man behind the bars looked surprised when Renfield stepped up.

“Good morning. Haven’t seen you folks around here before. Ya lost?”

“Yes, Sir, as a matter of fact we are. We’re looking for Isaiah Howard. Do you know where he lives?” Renfield asked.

“I’ve got an address of RR 1 box 176. Could you tell us where that is?” Kerri offered.

“Sure I can tell ya where it is, but Isaiah Howard don’t live there,” the man, whose nametag identified him as the postmaster, said.

“Oh, dear. Did they move?”

“Nope, Isaiah died bout four years ago. Wife still lives there though, with her second husband.”

Kerri was ashamed of herself for rejoicing in the fact that she wouldn’t have to face her disgusting uncle. “Actually we’re looking for Gregory Howard. Would you know if he lives around here?” she asked.

“Don’t know any Gregory Howard. Aaron Howard’s the new husband. Married her shortly before I came here. Some kinda religious thing they said. Man had to marry his brother’s widow to take care a her. Lots a weird notions going around in these parts,” he muttered. Grabbing a pencil he scribbled the directions to rural route 1 box 176. “‘Bout seven miles up the road. Off to the left, real remote but pretty easy ta find. Don’t have a phone up there or I’d call for ya.”

“Thank you kindly, Sir,” Renfield said as he watched Kerri out of the corner of his eye.

“Ah, I thought so. Canadian, ain't ya? You folks are always so polite.”

“Thanks again,” Renfield called as he followed Kerri outside.

Unable to read her expression, but concerned about her pallor, he unlocked and opened the car door for her. “Do you think we’ll find your father there?” he asked gently.

“Oh, yes,” she sighed, “and my new mother. Aaron Howard is my father.”  
____________________________________

Once Kerri saw the house she remembered. And she didn’t much like the memories it brought crashing down upon her. More run down than years ago, the property was otherwise unchanged. Tucked into a heavily wooded area against a mountainside, at least a mile from the nearest neighbor, the tiny house and scattered outbuildings looked as if they were about to collapse. The yard in front of the house was dirt with a few dead weeds scattered across it. The house itself had probably last seen a coat of paint when Kerri was a baby. The only indication of what color it used to be was on the underside of the porch that Renfield was afraid to let her step on.

“Be careful,” he whispered, far too loudly, “those boards don’t look fit to support your weight, much less mine.”

A very scrawny, dirty yellow dog poked his head around the side of the house, growled briefly and retreated. Kerri was about to knock on the screen door when an elderly woman appeared before it.

“What do you want?”

“My name’s Kerri Turnbull. I’m…uh…I’m looking for Gregory Howard."

“Why you want to see my husband?”

“Aunt Leona?” Kerri was stunned. The tiny woman that she was gaping at looked to be at least seventy years old. She was as thin as a rail but stood ramrod straight. Her hair, what there was of it, was totally white and so thin that her pink scalp was easily seen. Her eyes were rheumy, and Kerri could see advanced cataracts. But her Aunt Leona was at least ten years younger than her father, which meant she couldn’t be a day over sixty, and as Kerri remembered quite a bit taller than this woman. Kerri was confused.

The woman stared at Kerri and Renfield for several moments, obviously coming to a momentous decision. “I’ve haven’t gone by Leona for a very long time. I’m Hannah now,” she sighed. “Well you’re here, you might as well come in.”

She wiped her hands on her faded apron and pushed open the rickety screen door. They stepped out of the brilliant mid-day sun into the darkened interior. As soon as her eyes adjusted Kerri did a quick look around the room for any signs of her father, but he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. She knew she shouldn’t have been, but Kerri was relieved.

“Aunt…um…Hannah, we’ve come to speak to Father. This is my husband Renfield Turnbull.”

Renfield offered his hand to the old woman. He had the fleeting image of the old crone in an illustration he'd seen in ‘Hansel and Gretel’. Mentally reprimanding himself for such an unkind thought, he smiled at Kerri’s aunt.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Howard.”

Hannah shook his hand but did not respond to Renfield. Not looking at either one of them she walked away. Not knowing what else to do Renfield and Kerri followed her.

She led them down a dark narrow hallway that opened onto a very primitive kitchen. There was a potbellied stove on the far wall that apparently served as both a source for cooking and for heat, a dry sink and pump on the other side of the room and an old refrigerator next to it.

Hannah motioned for them to be seated at the small table next to a door that led to a small service porch and then outside. 

“Is my father here?” Kerri finally asked.

Hannah stared at Kerri until Kerri felt that the old woman could see all the way into her soul. She mentally shook herself as she remembered what feelings of guilt could do to a person’s self-confidence.

“In the back,” Hannah finally said. “That old truck of his has finally petered out, I guess. Want coffee?”

Kerri was about to decline, wondering among other things, about the state of the water around here, when Renfield touched her hand and silently reminded her of her manners. “Yes Ma’am, that would be nice.”

Her aunt turned stepmother sat the chipped cups on the oil cloth covered table before anyone spoke again. Taking her seat painfully slowly, Hannah finally spoke. “What brings you here after all these years, Kerri Ann?”

Kerri stared into her cup, choosing her words carefully. “It’s been a very long time Leona…Hannah. I was hoping to put things to rest between my father and me.” She hesitated momentarily while she decided if it would be rude to ask. Finally her curiosity got the best of her. “Why do you both go by different names now?”

“We changed churches right before Daniel passed. Became Jehovah’s Disciples. They insist that all the Saints, members, be called by Scriptural names. Just so happened that you’re father’s middle name fit the bill. Wendy and I were the only ones who had to take completely new names.”

Kerri perked up at the mention of her younger cousin's name. “Is she here? Wendy? I’d love to see –”

“Wendy’s dead. Dead to us and dead to the world.” Renfield and Kerri both jumped as the screen door slammed behind Kerri’s father.  
____________________________________

“What you want here, Kerri Ann?” he asked, completely dispensing with the pleasantries.

From very close by a baby began to cry and Kerri did not miss the looks that shot between her father and her aunt, correction, stepmother.

“I’ve got to tend to the child,” Leona/Hannah said as she slowly rose from her chair.

“Didn’t you hear me? What do you want?” he father snapped.

Kerri felt as if she were sixteen years old again and had come in past her curfew. “I’m sorry to come without calling, but we didn’t know how to reach you. This is my husband Renfield. Renfield this is my father, Gregory Aaron Howard.”

Kerri’s father wasn’t anything like Renfield had imagined. Older than he expected, Aaron Howard had to be well past seventy. He was short, shorter than his daughter, and very thin. He was also profoundly bald with just a tiny shock of grizzled white hair around his ears. He wore thick glasses, the frames of which had been broken and repaired with some kind of tape. His clothes were old and very dirty, and he looked as if he hadn’t bathed in several days.

Renfield studied him closely. Kerri bore absolutely no resemblance to her father other than the color of her eyes. But even their eyes were different, Kerri’s almost always held a sparkle that drew others to her like a magnet. Her father’s eyes were devoid of all emotion other than contempt.

Kerri hadn’t noticed, but Renfield had risen to his feet when the elder man had entered the room. He offered his hand to her father, but Aaron chose to ignore it.

“I…that is we…I mean I wanted to…to see you, Father.”

Renfield was shocked to see Kerri’s self-confidence slipping farther and farther away. He supposed that it was due to the miserable failure of her last meeting with him.

“He know about you?” her father growled at her. “That you’re a harlot?”

Renfield had taken his seat, but he was back on his feet in an instant, ready to defend the woman he loved. But Kerri grabbed his hand and pulled him back down next to her.

“Yes, Father,” she sighed, “I’ve told Renfield about my past. That’s why we’re here. I wanted to see if we could work out our differences.”

Aaron looked directly at Renfield and spoke to him as if Kerri were not in the room. “You married her knowing about her wanton ways?”

Renfield had not known about Kerri’s past when he married her, not that it would have mattered, but he would not tell her father that. “I married Kerri because I loved her. There is nothing that will ever change that. And she is not a wanton woman!” he replied.

“She tried to seduce a man away from his vows made before God! She used her body to entice and blind him to his duties to his family. But God intervened and spared the man and his wife.” He looked directly at Kerri. “God have mercy on your soul!”

“Aaron!” Hannah cried. “Kerri Ann is here to ask your forgiveness! Surely if God can forgive her you can too! You sound just like Isaiah!” And that apparently was not a compliment.

Kerri and Renfield gaped at the woman. She held a whimpering baby in her arms as she yelled at her husband. 

“Put her back! I’ve told you not to carry her around! She’s the bastard child of another Howard harlot! She’s unclean!” He yelled before he stormed out the back door.  
____________________________________

At the slamming of the door the tiny infant began to wail. Doing her best to comfort the child, Hannah tried to explain. “Your being here has really upset him. He feels like he’s a failure because you and Sar…Wendy disappointed him so much.” She tried desperately to be heard over the cries of the infant.

“May I hold her?” Renfield suggested. “Then you and Kerri could talk.”

Hannah was astounded, but Kerri was not surprised in the least when the child quieted immediately upon being in Renfield's arms. He left the kitchen with the silent child held tightly against his shoulder.

Kerri and her aunt sat in the dingy kitchen, unsure exactly what to say. Finally Hannah spoke up. “Coming here all those years ago was a mistake for your father. He never got over the death of your mother. He loved her very much and I guess he hasn’t been able to love anyone or anything since then.”

“But he married you,” Kerri offered.

“Oh, there’s no love between us! Church commanded that he take care of me, and they wouldn’t allow us to live under the same roof if we weren’t married.”

“Aunt Leona…I mean Hannah, what happened to Wendy? Is she really dead?” Kerri thought of her poor cousin. The last time she'd seen her Wendy had been all arms and legs and freckles, she couldn’t have been more than nine or ten. She’d been such a shy little thing, so in awe of her older cousin.

“Ran off, just like you. Isaiah tried to blame you, said you’d put all kinds of ‘worldly notions’ into her head when you were here. But that was more than eight years before. She’d just had enough of the Church and the people in these parts. Our ways aren’t very easy for young folks. Too restrictive, she said. Even though Isaiah was the younger brother, Greg listened to every word he said,” Hannah sighed. 

“Wendy came home about six months ago. Said she didn’t have any place else to go. Aaron almost turned her out because she was pregnant. The Elders of the church changed her name to Sarah. Not that anyone ever called her that, they had our church community shun her.”

“Shun her?”

“No one could speak to or even look at her.”

“Oh, my God!”

“It was pretty hard on her, but where else was she going to go? Pregnant and single at twenty?” Hannah looked toward the living room. “Had the baby right here in this house and died bring that little thing into the world. That was two months ago.”

“Oh, God! Aunt Leona I’m so sorry!”

Hannah hung her head. “Aaron says it’s God’s judgment against her. But I can’t believe that. She was my daughter, and no one deserves to suffer the way these people made her suffer.” She clamped her hand over her mouth as she gaped at Kerri, looking as if she had just spoken blasphemy. “But she’s gone now and left us with the responsibility of the child.”

Kerri walked into the living room to find Renfield sitting in a rickety old rocker with the infant asleep on his shoulder. “I’m sorry Kerri, but I don’t care what your father says, this child needs to be held.”

“I hold her when he’s not around,” Hannah defended herself. “Kerri Ann, don’t give up on Aaron. You just remind him so much of your mother. He’s not always so hateful, he just feels like he’s sinned against God and the way you girls turned out is his punishment.”

Kerri took the child from Renfield and held her briefly before laying her gently in a dilapidated old crib.

“I don’t think he will, but if my father wants to get in touch with me, here’s my business card. Renfield and I own a bookshop in Chicago.”

Hannah followed them to the front door as Renfield and Kerri prepared to leave. “I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble by coming here,” Kerri said as she turned to hug her aunt. Even though the hug was not returned, Kerri felt as though the woman relished the physical contact with another human being. “My father will probably never forgive me, but this trip has accomplished one thing, I’ve been able to forgive myself,” Kerri told her as they left the house.  
____________________________________

They rode back to Sandpoint in silence. Without asking her opinion Renfield found a sidewalk café and parked as close as he could. “I think it would be a good idea to get something to eat. Maybe just some soup and a salad that we could split, but you need something in your stomach.”

He found a table with a pretty good view of Lake Pend Oreille and they sat in the shade of a huge red and white market umbrella advertising Jose Cuervo tequila. “I’ll bet this place is beautiful at night. Did you see that the underside of the umbrella is lined with tiny lights?”

“Fairy lights,” Kerri said vaguely.

After ordering them ice teas with extra lemon, two cups of salmon chowder and a Caesar salad to split Renfield took a moment to study Kerri’s face. Since coming on this trip he had seen more looks he couldn’t fathom than in their entire time together. But right now he could tell she was at least a million miles away and probably at least twenty years in the past.

“Are you okay?” he whispered, taking her hand in his.

Her response was a long time in coming. “You know, I don’t really know how to answer that. My father was always strict and possessive, but he was never hateful, at least not until the end. It never occurred to me that I had disappointed him on two levels, as myself and as what he saw of my mother in me. Did I do that to him, Renny? Is it my fault that he became so hateful? Is it my fault that he treated Wendy the way he did?”

“Kerri! Of course not!” he cried. “You made the mistake of falling in love with the wrong man, that’s all. You said yourself that your father started getting ‘weird’ shortly after your mother died. He just couldn’t handle her loss and projected his protectiveness for her onto you. She died in childbirth, maybe he blamed himself in some warped kind of way, for her death. Maybe having you around as a constant reminder of what he’d lost was more than his mind could bear.”

“You’re probably right,” she muttered as the waiter brought their lunches.

“I know I’m right,” he smiled at her. “I’m always right when it comes to you!”

“Would you have gotten weird if I had died when I miscarried?”

“Kerri! Don’t ever say such a thing! I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you! I couldn’t…I can’t…couldn’t bear –”

She saw tears forming in his eyes and wished that Ray were there to kick her. “–Renny, I’m so sorry! I don’t know how I could ever have said such a thing! I just wonder how things might have been if my mother hadn’t died. I’m being awfully morbid here, I’m sorry.”

They both picked at their salad and soups, a gloomy mood having settled over both of them. Yet another thing that Kerri felt she should be kicked for. 

They arrived back at the hotel in the late afternoon, Renfield’s sailing excursion completely forgotten and neither one of them feeling much like taking advantage of the numerous attractions the resort had to offer. More tired than she had been in a very long time, Kerri stretched out on the leather sofa and threw her arm over her eyes.

Renfield frowned as he watched her, for the first time in a very long time not knowing what to do for her. He knew what she needed, knew what they both needed, but he also knew that it was something that Kerri would have to realize for herself. He settled on the lounge chair on the balcony, where they had spent the majority of last night, to watch the view and all the people frolicking on the water. From this distance they all seemed so carefree. He wished with all his heart that Kerri could feel the same way.

He continued to rest that way for a very long time, occasionally turning to see if Kerri had awakened. He was concerned but yet something deep inside of him told him that everything was going to be all right. They’d been through much worse than this is the time they’d been together.

Kerri awoke late in the evening, to find Renfield dressed for dinner. “I’ve made reservations at Beverly’s. That’s the fancy restaurant on the roof. We’re going to have a nice dinner and then listen to some music. If you’re really lucky I might even ask you to dance.”

“Renny, I don't –”

“Hey,” he said brightly, “this is my honeymoon too! And this is what I want to do.” He knew that really wasn’t fair. But Kerri would never refuse him when it was put to her in that way and he knew he needed to do whatever he could to get her mind off her troubles.

Kerri went to change her clothes, trying desperately to hide her lack of enthusiasm. They had been on such a high the last few days, until she had brought them crashing down with the visit to her family. She decided right then and there that she would do whatever it took for Renny to have a good time.

She changed in to a long, clingy black dress that she knew accentuated her figure, and high-heeled sandals. Applying a little makeup to add some color to her cheeks and letting her hair fall loosely on her shoulders, she knew that Renfield would be pleased.

For the first time in her life, Kerri didn’t notice that she turned heads as she and Renfield entered the exclusive restaurant. But Renfield noticed, and even though he was proud of his beautiful wife, he realized what it must be like for someone like Kerri to be constantly gawked at. He put his arm protectively around her shoulders as the maître d’ lead them to their table.

Renfield tried his best to keep the conversation light and flowing but try as she might Kerri was just not able to enjoy herself. Unable to concentrate on her food, the music, the magnificent view of the city lights reflecting in the lake, or even Renfield’s witty repartee, her mind constantly wandered back to her father, and especially to Wendy.

He was finally forced to lay down his fork and take her hand in an effort to get her attention. “Kerri, would you like to leave?”

“I’m so sorry Renny,” she sighed. “This is our honeymoon and I’m spoiling it.”

He signaled for the waiter and asked for their check. “You’ve been through a very trying time. You’re not ruining a thing. Let’s go back to our room and relax.”

On the brief elevator ride back to their suite Renfield really began to worry about her. Kerri seemed so remote and detached.

Once inside the suite, he confronted her. “I don’t know how to help you, sweetheart. Please tell me what you’re feeling? It would help you to talk.”

Kerri tossed her evening bag on the sofa and went to the wet bar in a vain search for she knew not what. “But I don’t know what I’m feeling, I really don’t. I just feel kind of empty. I feel like there should have been something I could have done for Wendy. She was such a sweet baby, my aunt let me sit for her once when she was gone for just a short time. And then I saw her again when I went to Idaho. She was just about nine or ten. She was so shy, all gangly and awkward,” she sighed. “I can’t believe she’s dead. And what they did to her! How can anyone treat another human being that way and do it in the name of God?” she cried.

“They are misguided and wrong. It’s a shame that it happened, but there’s nothing you could have done to prevent Wendy from dying.”

“Renny, I’d like to go to bed. I’m sorry about all this. I’ll be better in the morning, and then we can get on with our honeymoon.” She hugged him and left the room.  
____________________________________

When Renfield awoke it was already light outside. Stretching lazily, he rolled over and reached for Kerri, only to find that she was not there. He blinked a few times to clear the sleep from his eyes, then watched and listened for her. When he realized that she was not in the bedroom or bathroom he climbed out of bed and went in search of her. Grabbing the fluffy robe that was laying across the foot of the huge bed, he made his way to the sitting room. He became mildly concerned when he discovered that she was not there either.

Without knowing why he was drawn to the balcony. A pleasantly cool early morning breeze greeted him as he opened the glass doors. Even now, when his concern for Kerri was growing, he was still awed by the magnificent view of the lake.

Scanning the beach and boardwalk he spotted her. She was standing almost directly below him, leaning against the retaining wall at the end of the boardwalk, staring out at the lake, her long blonde hair blowing around her shoulders in the stiff breeze.

Taking only enough time to pull on his sweats and shoes, Renfield rushed down to meet her.

As he rode the elevator down he suddenly wondered if she would not want to share this private moment with him. She had been so stoic yesterday afternoon, so unwilling to share her feelings with him, he couldn't help but wonder if she still felt the same way.

Once out the front doors of the hotel, Renfield hesitated to approach her. Pausing to look down the boardwalk, past the myriad of yachts and powerboats, he could tell her mind was a thousand miles away.

Finally he made his way toward her, swallowing hard as he drew near. He came to stand next to her without speaking, wanting her to become aware of his presence without startling her.

She did not acknowledge him, even though he could tell she sensed his presence. They just stood together neither speaking nor touching for several moments.

Finally Kerri took a deep breath and turned to him, a light shining in her eyes unlike anything he had ever seen. “I couldn’t sleep,” she began. “I came out here to think.”

“How long have you been out here?” He was heartened that she had thought to bring a jacket with her, the breeze off the water was very cool.

She chuckled softly. “I really don’t know, not very long I guess. But long enough to make a decision.”

“What kind of decision?” he asked, concern filling his heart and spilling over into his voice.

She took his hand and smiled into his eyes. “I spent almost half of my life being lonely and not able to admit it. I missed being loved so very much. I stopped trusting and allowing people to get close to me, believing that they would only betray me. All of that changed when I met you. I love you Renny, more than I have words to say.” She watched as relief flooded his eyes. “You’ve taught me so much. But mostly what it’s like to be loved, really loved, and how to return that love unconditionally, without being afraid that I will be hurt.” She took a deep breath and studied his face closely for several moments before she continued, “I want to take Wendy’s baby to be ours. Oh,” she hurried on before he could object, “I know she would be a lot of work, and we can’t really afford another mouth to feed, and she’ll need clothes and furniture…”

Renfield smiled. “All right –”

“…and she hasn’t had the best of care. There will be doctor’s bills. But she’s family and poor Wendy never had –”

Renfield’s smile grew larger. “I agree. You don’t need to convince –”

“We have all the love she would ever need. She wouldn’t be much troub… What?” she whispered.

“I said I agree with you. Wendy’s child should be ours.”

“You’re sure?” she muttered, tears filling her eyes.

“I’ve known ever since I held her in my arms.”

“But you didn’t say anything.”

“I was waiting for you to realize it too.”

“You’re not upset?”

Renfield didn’t even respond. He just cocked his head to one side, rolled his eyes and gave her his trademark longsuffering, ‘do you really have to ask me about loving a child’ look.

“Strike that,” she giggled, before throwing her arms around him. “You will make the best father.”

But Renfield pushed her away as he turned very serious. “But before I can agree to this there is one thing that I have to know,” he said in a tone that frightened her.

“What?”

“Are you doing this just for me? Just because you think I need a child?”

Kerri watched his eyes. He was deadly serious and she knew why. All the hiding she had done from herself, her inability to admit that she too was devastated by her miscarriage and the resultant hysterectomy and transferring all those feelings to him had made him doubt her motives. 

She looked away from his eyes and out across the water, searching her heart and soul for their answer. Finally she exhaled deeply and, still staring at the island in the distance, began to speak.

“When I saw that poor little thing yesterday something stirred inside of me that I had never felt before,” she sighed, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I need her as much, if not more than she needs me. She’s an orphan and I’m barren.”

Renfield placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder as she trembled with grief and acceptance. “When I put her back in her crib before we left I felt like someone was tearing out my heart. I felt something very near that when I was in the hospital and the doctor told me… I buried those feelings so deeply I had all but forgotten them, until yesterday. All the way back, during lunch and all of last night I had this pain, right here,” she placed her hand over her heart. “She became a part of me the moment I touched her.”

Renfield took her gently into his arms and rubbed her back as she cried on his shoulder. “Well then,” he said matter-of-factly, “I know exactly what will ease that pain. You need to be a mother and we need to go get ourselves a baby.”  
____________________________________

It was still very early when they pulled up to the shabby little house just outside of Naples, Idaho. The house was quiet, even the dog was nowhere to be seen.

Kerri was suddenly sixteen again and afraid to face her father. She knew with her entire being that this was the right thing to do, but what if her father said no? What would she do if her only chance to ever have a child were snatched away because her father wasn’t able to forgive her for what she’d done all those years ago? It was her fault that she and Renfield could not have children of their own and it would be her fault again. That might just be more than she could bear.

Just as the previous day, Hannah met them at the door. “Didn’t expect you back again. Aaron’s still working on that truck. You want to see him he’s in the back.” She left the room and walked toward the kitchen as Renfield and Kerri let themselves in.

Momentarily alone Renfield and Kerri scanned the room for the baby. The crib was empty.

“Aunt Hannah,” Kerri asked as she entered the kitchen, “where’s the baby? Renfield would like to hold her.”

“Told you, I hold her enough! She’s sleeping in the back bedroom. Aaron doesn’t like her in the front room during the day.”

Aaron doesn’t like to be reminded that she’s around is more like it, Kerri thought as she stood in the center of the room.

“Renfield and I would like to talk to you about her. We’d like –”

“Like to what?” Kerri’s father demanded as he came in the back door.

“We’d like to…that is…I mean Renfield and…I –”

“We would like to talk to you about our taking the child to live with us,” Renfield interrupted. “We have a nice home and –”

Aaron completely ignored Renfield and glared at Kerri. “You think there’s any way I’d allow that child to be in your care? Knowing what you are? NO!” He turned and slammed out of the door.

Renfield was about to follow him when Kerri grabbed his arm. “Renny, I’ve got to do this. I think my whole life has been building to this point. This is something that I’ve got to face. This is between my father and me.”

She let go of his arm and squared her shoulders. Renfield had never been prouder of her than at that moment. She looked as if she was about to beard the lion in his den.

Renfield followed her, but stopped just inside the screen door, allowing her the space she needed, but as always, ready to help her at a moment’s notice.  
____________________________________

Kerri walked across the dead grass to the makeshift work area at the back of the house. She knew he could hear her coming, the dry grass crunching under her feet as she walked announced her presence long before she actually got there. She looked around her and wondered how anyone could be happy living in these surroundings but had her answer almost as soon as the thought occurred to her. No one was happy here.

“Father?” she asked softly as she walked up behind the man bent over the engine of an ancient, faded blue truck. “I’m sorry that I disappointed you in the way I turned out. But I’m happy now, married to a wonderful man, and doing well. We have good, decent friends and a fine home. The baby would thrive there, unlike she’s doing here. You and Aunt Leona are just not equipped to handle an infant.”

He didn’t look up from under the hood. “Want a child so much have one of your own,” he muttered.

Kerri was near tears, seeing what she viewed as her only opportunity to ever have a child, this child, slipping through her fingers. “I’m not able to have children,” she whispered.

“God’s judgment for your harlot ways!” he proclaimed.

“That’s not true!” she cried, his words cutting through her like a knife. “I did carry Renfield’s child within me. But the same thing that happened to my mother happened to me. I was able to survive, but I lost the child and am not able to have anymore.”

She watched as he absorbed her words, but he still did not look at her. 

“My mother loved me very much. You told me that yourself, many years ago. Father, I would love Wendy’s child just as my mother loved me. Renfield loves all children and he would be a wonderful father to her,” and then for what she hoped would be the clincher. “I’m told I am very much like my mother.”

“Too much like her,” he responded. And then after several moments he continued, “your mother did love you,” he muttered, still not budging from the truck.

“I remember,” Kerri said, “when you used to take me to church on Sunday mornings in this truck. I still have the white Bible I got for memorizing the most Bible verses in Sunday school.”

He finally turned and looked at his daughter. “Train up a child in the way he should go –”

“–and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6,” Renfield completed Aaron’s sentence.

Kerri had not even been aware that Renfield was standing behind her. “Father, just because you and I have traveled different paths doesn’t mean we don’t believe in the same God.”

“You’d raise her in the church, then?”

Before she could open her mouth Renfield answered. “I promise you that, Sir. My first wife and baby daughter were killed as we were on our way to church. It wasn’t always easy and I failed a great deal, but I’ve always tried to hold on to the belief that God would sustain me. I believe that this child would be God’s gift to us.”

Aaron stood and stared at his daughter and her husband for several long moments. Even he, who had long ago stopped loving much of anything, could recognize the love that these two shared. It reminded him of the way he and Mary had loved each other so many years ago. He hadn’t been reminded of that love for a long, long time. He could almost hear Mary in his head telling him to forgive their daughter.

He sighed and turned back to his work. “She’s Hannah’s granddaughter, if the old woman says ‘yes’ then take her,” he said dismissing them by waving a socket wrench. 

As Renfield and Kerri turned toward the house her father called to her. “Kerri Ann,” he said, still bent over the truck’s engine, “God forgives you for what you did…so do I.”

Kerri turned toward her father. “Thank you, Daddy,” she whispered, before Renfield tenderly took her hand and they returned to the house.

Hannah had the baby wrapped in a faded yellow blanket when Renfield and Kerri entered the living room.

Though wrinkled, old and stern the woman had tears in her eyes as she handed the infant to Kerri. “He’s grown harder and harder over the years, but he can be kind once in a while,” she said as she blinked back the tears. “I knew he’d agree after he preached a bit.” Before she let go of the child for the last time Hannah stared at Kerri. “Tell her about me?" she said. “Tell her that her Grandmother’s name was…Leona and her mother’s name was Wendy,” she said as she left the room. Before she disappeared down the hallway she called over her shoulder in a tone completely devoid of emotion, “it’s probably best for everyone if you never bring her back here.”  
____________________________________

Epilogue

And so Renfield and Kerri became parents of a beautiful, auburn haired, hazel-eyed baby daughter. It was in a rather unconventional manner, but no one who knew them well had ever known them to do anything in a conventional manner, so everything seemed completely appropriate.

It took a great deal of time, a huge amount of legal finagling with Canadian and US officials, and strained nerves and patience on the part of her parents, but just before her first birthday their lovely baby daughter legally became a Turnbull.

They had known from the moment that they carried her out of the shabby Idaho house that she would not be called by the name Kerri’s father had given her – Hagar. It caused Kerri to shudder every time she thought of it. No, both Renfield and Kerri knew that she would carry a very special name, names actually. The names of their mothers, the women who, though long dead, had had such a dramatic influence on their lives, Biblical names that Renfield favored so much. 

On the day that she was christened at St. Matthews Episcopal Church the Priest introduced her to those in attendance as ‘Mary Elizabeth Turnbull’.

No one ever really knew why, but as she grew Mary Elizabeth was never referred to as Mary by any members of her extended family. Oh, her mother, in rare moments of fits of impatience or pique, might refer to her by her entire name – Mary Elizabeth Turnbull, usually with an exclamation mark at the end – but everyone else gravitated to her middle name.

Of course her grandfather Richard, who flew to meet her immediately upon being informed of the existence of the newest, littlest member of his family, always called her by his beloved wife’s nickname, Lizzie. Her Aunt Meg, who could never get enough of holding her in her arms and who bought her her first riding habit, called her Liz. Her Uncle Benton, who would drop the cool Mountie façade to make her laugh at his ‘Puffin face’ and taught her to ride a horse practically before she learned to walk, always called her Elizabeth. Her Uncle Ray Vecchio, who proclaimed her almost as beautiful as a Vecchio child, chose Lizzie and her Auntie Frannie, who loved to punch her brother in the ribs whenever he said that and was determined not to copy Meg, called her Liza. But her Uncle Ray Kowalski, who assured anyone who chose to listen that he loved her more than all the others combined and who loved the way her hair stood up in little spikes, developed the unfortunate habit of calling her Lizard Breath because it sounded so much like Eliz-abeth.

And then there was Renfield, who knew with his whole heart the first moment he saw her that he was meant to be her father, and whose heart melted into a pool of jelly the first time he heard her call him ‘daddy’. Renfield never called his cherished gift from God anything other than ‘My Beth’.

The End


End file.
